Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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