if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
