Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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