So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
