just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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