Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
