Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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