Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
