"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
