You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
