I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
