Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
