i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
