my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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