do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
