Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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