My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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