Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
