I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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