glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
