i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
