I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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