You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize