hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
