did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
