Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
