I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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