I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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