i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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