Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
