so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Who died my cat blue again?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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