I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
