Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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