She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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