Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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