just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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