wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
