If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
