Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
