I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize