if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Define "chronic" masturbator.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
