I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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