Small penises have feelings too.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
