I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My hand turned me down
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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