im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
