She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
