Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
