Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
