are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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