The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize