So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
