She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
