no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Soap is not a condiment
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
