Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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