Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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