dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize