Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
