So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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