So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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