shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Your cock deserves a montage
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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