Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
