I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize