all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
