once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
