In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
