Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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